One of the least fun things about any job these days is the performance management process, or at least the annual review bit of it. Don’t get me wrong – I have a lovely line manager, I work with a great team on a fantastic project and I’ve loved every job I’ve had in the sector, even in the tough times – and I tend to assume that if I’m doing anything disastrously wrong someone would have mentioned it. Still, every year I have several sleepless nights before the meeting and feel a terrible sense of impending doom.
For years in a previous role these reviews were a meaningless process, as I was on a spot salary so didn’t get any annual pay rises anyway. The year I did brilliantly, writing a unit for the London Curriculum and being learning advocate on a blockbuster exhibition, they actually took away the unconsolidated rise from the previous two years and gave me a 3.5% pay cut as no one was getting a rise that year. The letter telling me this was waiting for me when I got home from the glowing review meeting. It was also understood that only the people at the main site could get the coveted ‘purple’ grade – which I wasn’t. (For some reason it took this organisation a couple of years to get the Investors in People badge – can’t think why). Another year, they increased my targets by 28% and cut my budget by 32%, so we were set up to fail by a director who refused to listen to what was actually possible (think Boris Johnson in a badly fitting skirt). That director – not the team, the line manager or the job – was why I left that role.
So why, every year, do I spend several nights pre-meeting wide awake and tossing and turning with stress-related insomnia? It’s a complete mystery but I suspect its quite similar to that feeling of guilt you get when you see a policeman even though you know for a fact that you haven’t committed any crimes. Perhaps there’s something they know that you don’t, and they’re waiting to spring it on you. Perhaps there was a target no one mentioned to you and you haven’t met it as you didn’t know it was there. Paranoid? Moi?
My current job is in a small arts organisation (with big ideas) which is headed by actual humans so the review was very straightforward and positive and helpful and I still have a job. Which is nice.
I’m not sure what can really be done to improve this, really: we’re all held accountable to various standards and there has to be some way of measuring this. I think I should just be grateful that the kids haven’t cottoned onto SMART targets yet – they might start asking me to stop burning dinner or putting mushrooms in it, leave fewer random scraps of fabric and thread about the place and rationalise my books and shoes.
Other things making me happy this week
- The Families in Museums Network meeting at Young V&A this week. Slightly linked to the above – where the amazing Ops team made the Front of House recruitment process radically inclusive and considerably less stressful for the applicants. However, it did make me feel that I’ve been knocking about this sector for a very long time…
- Finishing my portable crochet project in time for the cold snap. It’s made of alpaca and it’s snuggly and soft. I’ve also made some progress on the blanket.
- Choosing fabrics from the stash and a pattern for a quilt project (though not the one I’d been planning. Go figure, eh?) with puffins on. Here’s the ones I started with,, though not all have made the final cut. Some of them are sparkly.
- Central heating – it was -7 this morning. Lulu appreciates it, I think.
- Thermal socks, and cats who double as hot water bottles.
Today we’re off for an icy swim (water temp was 1.5 degrees on Saturday – considerably warmer than the air though!) and wondering why we do this to ourselves. Wonder if I can take a cat with me to keep my clothes warm?
See you next week, when I’ve defrosted…
Kirsty x
What I’ve been reading
Ten Big Ones/Eleven on Top/Twelve Sharp/Lean Mean Thirteen/Fearless Fourteen – Janet Evanovich
My Animals and Other Animals – Bill Bailey
Guards! Guards! – Terry Pratchett (Audible)
What Kirsty did next 