On Wednesday my feet did not want to go to the office. They didn’t want to leave the house, get on the bus or step onto the Central Line either. It was a wobble day – the worst I’ve had for a while, and I very nearly gave in and let them take me home again. Only the fact that I had a day of interviews ahead of me kept me moving forwards.
I stopped at Pret on the way to the office in the hope that a hot chocolate would be an excellent brain reset. It wasn’t and the final stretch between Pret and the desk was like wading through treacle. A couple of hours burning through emails at least felt practical, and then I had to switch on the smile and chat to people who want to work with us. They’ve put the effort in to apply, so they deserve a good interview. We met some really lovely people, and I think I fooled them.
I reached out to an old friend who also has the odd wobble, and they checked in on me through the day and over the next couple – as I’d done for them a couple of weeks ago. This helped a lot, especially as they know enough not to ask why it’s a bad day. There’s often no reason.
As the organisation’s Mental Health First Aider – and as a parent, step-parent and friend of people who live with mental health issues – I know the advice I would give to a colleague, the kids or my friends. It would not have been ‘go to work and pretend everything was OK’, but to take a step back, go and talk to someone and see if there was a way to take a break for a few days. What I told myself, though, was that I would be fine once we got going. I chunked up the day into manageable bits so I only had to survive the morning, lunchtime, and the afternoon and not a whole day. Sounds weird but it worked.
The text message – brief but cheering – from my Beloved, simply saying ‘I’m cooking’ was a big help, taking something potentially stressful out of the equation. I can’t remember the last time he cooked spontaneously, so this was a nice surprise. I was able to go home, eat dinner and go and drink tea and read a book in a hot bath – much needed as the interview room had been freezing.
Thursday was marginally better, and Friday was a WFH day where some of the day was spent keeping Miriam’s house elves company. I survived the week with the help of a good playlist and kind friends. Every day I can say ‘I’ll phone the doctor tomorrow if I don’t feel better’ is another day I’ve functioned and another day fighting off the black dog. I do not have time to be unwell, as my late and much-missed mother-in-law used to say. I have too much to do.
Still, now I’m levelling out and hopefully this week will carry on the upward trajectory. If not, I can always phone the doctor….tomorrow.
Good things this week (yes, there were some)
- Ballet with Thing 2 last Sunday – very, very funny. I thought the person next to me was going to fall off her chair laughing. I like matinee performances, as you can be home for teatime
- The abundance of mindless trash on Kindle Unlimited that requires no thinking (and is not listed below!)
- Lemon Drizzle cake courtesy of Thing 2
- Getting round to making this yellow bag from a Merchant and Mills pattern
- Discovering new music
- The comfort of a warm furry cat tucked up on my shoulder as I write
- How happy Dobby & Kreacher were to see me on Friday morning
Here’s hoping this week is better! I’m off to the ballet with Sue on Wednesday, this time to see something with opera in it, and we have more interviews to do before we start shortlisting and meeting volunteers.
Same time next week, people. Chin up!
Kirsty x
What I’ve been reading:
House of Flame and Shadow – Sarah J. Maas (Audible)
Ride or Die – Hailey Edwards
First Witches Club – Maisey Yates
What Kirsty did next 