Tag: work

289: sorry, what?

I was going to write about protest songs this week but I haven’t had time to do the research into it that I wanted to. So I’ve saved it as a draft somewhere else instead and you’ll just have to wait.

Do you know, I’m not sure I managed to get the hang of last week and now here we are on Sunday again. A couple of four day weeks are all very well but at the moment there’s way too much work for those four days. My email inbox is in triple figures when my ideal number is ‘less than 20’. Double figures are but a pipe dream right now, and there have been days when I haven’t even managed to read them all and delete those which don’t require any action.

It’ll all be worth it though, when we welcome all the new team members we’re interviewing (22 interviews down, three to go), when we throw open the gates to a new venue fully committed to accessibility and inclusion, with new programmes for people of all ages and a fantastic set of exhibitions. Until then, I suspect there will be a lot of 4am wake ups. It’s dark at 4am, you know, and even the stupid birds aren’t awake at this time of year – which is an improvement on the peacocks all summer or the angry chickens in France. I think. At least earplugs muffle the birds. Is there a brainplug available? I couldn’t even go downstairs as my living room was full of people asleep on sofas and airbeds.

In a coaching session in July I had a great conversation with someone who helped me work out a plan for just these moments but it involves having five minutes to yourself to do the thing.

It helps (a bit) when you talk to people about what you’re doing and they’re excited, or you talk about access to an expert and you’re doing all the right things, or when people contact you because they want to work with you – or they say yes to your ideas. That was Friday’s meeting with a local SEND school which turns out to be about ten minutes from our site.

What doesn’t help is when public transport conspires against you to ensure that you can’t get anywhere on time: on Wednesday I planned my journey to arrive in Stratford with an hour in hand to get some quiet work done in a coffee shop somewhere. I arrived at Discover with a minute to spare: the bus to Epping was late and then got stuck in traffic, the train took well over an hour to do a journey of 22 minutes, and then they took the train out of service. The rest of the week was not an improvement. There seem to be speed restrictions in place between Epping and Woodford so everything is slow – but not slow enough to be able to claim the journeys back from TfL as that needs to be a delay of 15 minutes or more. Grr. Still, interminable train journeys at least meant I got to start (and finish) this little Autumn Fairy. She fits perfectly in this Bonne Maman jar which I’ve been saving for a moment just like this.

Things not causing me stress this week

  • The very beautiful Wye Valley, which I walked 15 miles around last Sunday over two walks. The first one was solo and the second was with my sisters and cousins. There’s a lot of uphill, you know. We walked across the Biblins Bridge, had an ice cream in the cafe, an excellent Sunday lunch at the Saracen’s Head and enjoyed the autumn.
  • By Tuesday I ached all over but I feel in good shape for the Cardiff Half Marathon next Sunday – there is still time to sponsor me as it’s an excellent cause which really annoys the local racists. It would be amazing to make it to £500.
  • Afternoon tea in aid of Macmillan at Jill’s house on Saturday
  • Seeing the live action How To Train Your Dragon with Thing 2 on Saturday. A worthy remake – I really enjoyed it.
  • The right person winning the Sewing Bee for a change (it took a while to catch up)
  • Conker season
  • Making a start on stock for the Christmas stalls
  • The Merlin app – identifying so many different birds. I am a convert from BirdNet now.

Next Sunday I’ll be live and lurching around Cardiff, hoping to come in around the three hour mark – pray for nice weather!

Kirsty x

What I’ve been reading:

Stone and Sky/What Abigail Did That Summer/Winter’s Gifts – Ben Aaronovitch (Audible)

How Not To Be A Supermodel – Ruth Crilly

268: the Father Ted conundrum

I’ve had a couple of conversations this week at work about focusing so much on the small stuff that the far away stuff is getting away from us. The small stuff (well, a monumental horse, if you can consider that small) is what’s keeping me awake at night these days, and then while I’m worrying about the horse in the wee small hours I remember all the other stuff I have to do that isn’t getting done because of the horse and then rooooouuuunnnnnd we go again. The poor horses in the fields on my walking route are probably wondering why I am cursing them and glaring as I walk past. They haven’t done anything apart from look like horses, obviously, but I’m not being selective with my equine animosity right now.

Part of this is trying to be several people all at once. Thank heavens for the return of my Community Partnerships Producer who is looking rested after a few weeks in Italy with her family, or at least she did until she walked into my personal maelstrom. She works two days a week with us, so in a few weeks we’ll be looking for the other half of her role but right now I am that other half and summer is always an intense period for community work. We’re building our centre with a desire to be a place where the community feels at home, and unlike at Young V&A we don’t have a 150 year history in the borough so we need to set out our stall now, letting people know we’re coming and that we want this to be a place for them. This means popping up at the summer festivals and chatting to people. This is an excellent part of my job, but then I have to find other people to do it with me and for some reason not everyone wants to work weekends. The horse project is also a community thing, but it’s proving a little tricky to recruit participants.

I had a really invigorating meeting with one of the festival organisers from the council on Thursday – one of those amazing conversations where ideas bounce off each other and things come together. It spun on into the next meeting, with a small crossover where I introduced the illustrator to the producer and things blossomed. Thursday, in fact, was all about meetings. The Radical Rest session I listened to while I was working on things that couldn’t wait (Sorry Kate, I know I missed the point!) was, ironically, about burnout in the cultural sector and there have been moments in the last couple of weeks where I’ve been ticking off a lot of the symptoms.

Schools remain within my remit: this week a school approached me about a CPD, which they initially wanted in September but then moved to July. Because all our sessions are tailored to the needs of each school, I have to meet with the school to work out what they want, reach out to the fabulous freelance illustrators who actually deliver the sessions, and do the admin around it. Schools session bookings have been honed over the years – from working closely with the bookings teams at London Museum through many years, taking bookings myself rather than remaining at arm’s length so I understand what needs to happen. There’s still admin around this, of course: sending invoice requests and confirmations, making sure the illustrator is in place and has all the materials they need.

Developing and piloting new sessions is on the radar: a science x history x illustration session which we need to deliver to six schools in the next term. Working with the lead facilitator to identify dates, locating a second facilitator and getting their dates, reaching out to schools who you’d think would like free sessions on local history but who actually take emails, a phone call to make sure they’ve got the email, resending the email as they probably just deleted it the first time, and then checking back up later to organise a conversation where I tell the teachers all the things they’d know if they’d just read the damn email in the first place. Developing the resources that support the session; making sure the materials are ready, doing the schools bookings admin, reporting to the funders, attending the sessions, evaluating the sessions. We’ll be recruiting someone for this soon as well, and they’ll be working on family programmes for when we open.

With my Welcome and Participation Lead head on, I’ve been working on access. Organising the first meeting of the Access Panel – booking rooms; booking BSL interpreters and audio describers; reading, watching and listening to expressions of interest; meeting with the consultant. I’ve never been so interested in toilet door fittings and it’s now perfectly normal behaviour to ask friends to take photos of these if they go anywhere new. Sorry Amanda….you need to know it’s not just me though…

I’m thinking about tech and furniture for the learning spaces, about interactivity for the site as a whole, about outside furniture and play and illustration opportunities, about how people are welcomed, about creative programmes for when we open, about how we make links with teachers and other cultural organisations along the New River to support CPD for our key boroughs when we open, about how I can embed illustration in learning throughout the school system, about how we market our schools offer more locally, about how we how and when we bring on our volunteers, about how we diversify our front of house, who the young people will be for our final project in the autumn term. My head can’t contain all the things so despite my highly organised to-do list I feel like I am juggling five oranges and then someone throws me a chainsaw.

Also in my head I know this is a pinch point and things will even out again….but I’M A BIT STRESSED RIGHT NOW. I’m not very good at admitting when I’m at my wits end when I’m at work as I try to be quite positive – all the while knowing that toxic positivity is a bad thing, but also knowing that the experiences in my last job where any negativity got you burned have left me somewhat scarred. It’s a conundrum indeed.

Things making me happy this week

  • A gorgeous swim with Jill on Saturday morning.
  • A ramble through new footpaths on Sunday last week, via the fields to Epping Upland and back round to Epping – saw my first hares for a while which made me happy.
  • An early morning Tuesday ramble where I shared a field with a huge herd of deer
  • A chaotic afternoon for GT2’s 2nd birthday last Sunday.
  • Two thirds of the sea creatures done: still to go are three crabs, three turtles, one starfish and one jellyfish. These are going to live at the British Library which I am pretty flipping excited about, I can tell you. I feel more neon colours coming on, especially for the jellyfish.
  • Visiting the site for the first time in a couple of months – it’s all coming together!

Right, I’m off for a Sunday walk! Here’s to another bank holiday…

Kirsty

What I’ve been reading:

Demons of Good and Evil – Kim Harrison

Interesting Times – Terry Pratchett (Audible)

The Glass Room – Ann Cleeves

252: what have I done for you lately?

One of the least fun things about any job these days is the performance management process, or at least the annual review bit of it. Don’t get me wrong – I have a lovely line manager, I work with a great team on a fantastic project and I’ve loved every job I’ve had in the sector, even in the tough times – and I tend to assume that if I’m doing anything disastrously wrong someone would have mentioned it. Still, every year I have several sleepless nights before the meeting and feel a terrible sense of impending doom.

For years in a previous role these reviews were a meaningless process, as I was on a spot salary so didn’t get any annual pay rises anyway. The year I did brilliantly, writing a unit for the London Curriculum and being learning advocate on a blockbuster exhibition, they actually took away the unconsolidated rise from the previous two years and gave me a 3.5% pay cut as no one was getting a rise that year. The letter telling me this was waiting for me when I got home from the glowing review meeting. It was also understood that only the people at the main site could get the coveted ‘purple’ grade – which I wasn’t. (For some reason it took this organisation a couple of years to get the Investors in People badge – can’t think why). Another year, they increased my targets by 28% and cut my budget by 32%, so we were set up to fail by a director who refused to listen to what was actually possible (think Boris Johnson in a badly fitting skirt). That director – not the team, the line manager or the job – was why I left that role.

So why, every year, do I spend several nights pre-meeting wide awake and tossing and turning with stress-related insomnia? It’s a complete mystery but I suspect its quite similar to that feeling of guilt you get when you see a policeman even though you know for a fact that you haven’t committed any crimes. Perhaps there’s something they know that you don’t, and they’re waiting to spring it on you. Perhaps there was a target no one mentioned to you and you haven’t met it as you didn’t know it was there. Paranoid? Moi?

My current job is in a small arts organisation (with big ideas) which is headed by actual humans so the review was very straightforward and positive and helpful and I still have a job. Which is nice.

I’m not sure what can really be done to improve this, really: we’re all held accountable to various standards and there has to be some way of measuring this. I think I should just be grateful that the kids haven’t cottoned onto SMART targets yet – they might start asking me to stop burning dinner or putting mushrooms in it, leave fewer random scraps of fabric and thread about the place and rationalise my books and shoes.

Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson

Other things making me happy this week

  • The Families in Museums Network meeting at Young V&A this week. Slightly linked to the above – where the amazing Ops team made the Front of House recruitment process radically inclusive and considerably less stressful for the applicants. However, it did make me feel that I’ve been knocking about this sector for a very long time…
  • Finishing my portable crochet project in time for the cold snap. It’s made of alpaca and it’s snuggly and soft. I’ve also made some progress on the blanket.
  • Choosing fabrics from the stash and a pattern for a quilt project (though not the one I’d been planning. Go figure, eh?) with puffins on. Here’s the ones I started with,, though not all have made the final cut. Some of them are sparkly.
  • Central heating – it was -7 this morning. Lulu appreciates it, I think.
  • Thermal socks, and cats who double as hot water bottles.

Today we’re off for an icy swim (water temp was 1.5 degrees on Saturday – considerably warmer than the air though!) and wondering why we do this to ourselves. Wonder if I can take a cat with me to keep my clothes warm?

See you next week, when I’ve defrosted…

Kirsty x

What I’ve been reading

Ten Big Ones/Eleven on Top/Twelve Sharp/Lean Mean Thirteen/Fearless Fourteen – Janet Evanovich

My Animals and Other Animals – Bill Bailey

Guards! Guards! – Terry Pratchett (Audible)

226: a visit from the hound

Full disclosure: this is not a post about actual dogs. Sorry. Especially to my cousin who really, really likes dogs.

It became increasingly obvious by the end of last week that I was in the middle of a fairly serious wobble, on a scale that I haven’t experienced for a while. I should probably have spotted it earlier in the week, when being in a room with people was too much, I was heading to bed at 8.30pm with a book to avoid the sensory overload of the TV, completely unable to concentrate at work and going round and round one piece of work that I just couldn’t get past, and seriously contemplating calling in sick and sitting in silence all day.

When I am on a downward spiral I have a tendency to make questionable decisions and while in my head I know that I should refrain from making them, that same head is the one causing the problem in the first place so those filters are not necessarily in place. At one point I even gave in and had a rest in the office on the giant beanbag (this is a thing! We are allowed to do this!) because I couldn’t keep going. I tried taking an afternoon off on the Friday but spent most of it waiting outside a lock-up to drop off our festival kit, as the person who was supposed to be there to meet me wasn’t, so that didn’t work. My Saturday was taken up with an extended family barbecue which meant I had to be sociable – not that I don’t love them all but I just didn’t have the capacity for it. Sunday was Cally Road Festival so I had to be extrovert all day when my entire being was fighting it…

Even a good long stomp through the fields on Monday morning in a ‘forced restart’ attempt didn’t help: I couldn’t hit my pace and felt like I was wading through treacle physically as well as mentally. The paths were sticky and swampy after several days of torrential rain, and the final straw was stepping on a tussock of grass which turned out to be disguising an ankle deep puddle.

When you’re (allegedly) a functioning adult with a responsible job and a family and several cats and a never-ending pile of laundry, you don’t feel you have luxury of giving in to a wobble – which means that you add denial to the load you’re carrying. Twenty plus years of dealing with depression should have taught me that this is a tactic which never works – a breakdown isn’t like a Teams meeting that you can schedule in between another couple of meetings, and unlike a piece of work you can’t block out a day in the diary to get it out of the way. I described it to a colleague as feeling like I was juggling axes and someone had just thrown me a chainsaw.

As the official office Mental Health First Aider (with a certificate to prove it!), if anyone came to me and said they were feeling like this I’d have taken them off for a cup of tea and a chat, helped them speak to their line manager, signposted all the things we have in place to support them, and probably encouraged them to take a few days off to rest. As the person having a mental health crisis this week, I forgot to do this for myself…there is an MH First Responder as well, but I forgot that in the moment and also she’d have had to refer me back to me….

Depression is also a terrible liar and tells you that you’re being silly and making a fuss and you’ll just be bothering people if you go and tell them how you’re feeling….so you don’t.

I am very lucky in that our organisation is inclusive and open and run by people who actually want you to thrive, rather than others I have worked in where you felt were dispensable as there would always be a stream of people waiting to work there. I felt confident enough on the Friday to say to my boss that I was struggling (probably so that she could sense-check my questionable decisions) and she checked back in with me on the Monday morning to see how I was doing and to work with me to put a plan in place for the week – an extra day at home if I needed it, time to rest etc. I think I am coming out of the other side now, and have booked a couple of days of me-time this week (plan: read books, turn fabric into other things, sleep). I think (I hope) that I am past the days when the first thing you do every morning is wonder whether this is going to be a good day or a bad one (now I just wonder which bit of me is going to ache most) but it was an unpleasant reminder that every so often the Black Dog can still put his paws on my shoulders.

Things making me happy this week

  • An England football game that wasn’t 119 minutes of tedium (including extra time) with 90 seconds of excitement. I miss Gareth Southgate’s waistcoats. I like Gareth Southgate and would like him to win the Euros except for the fact that if this happened English fans would bang on about it for the next 60 years.
  • Things 2 & 3’s sports day on Friday. I loathed sports day as a pupil, detested it as a teacher and hated it as a parent but felt guilty if I missed it even though there are two parents in this household. Now they are in secondary school I don’t have to go and I don’t have to feel a single SMIDGE of guilt about it.
  • New business cards which means I have an excellent excuse to make a new business card holder, which my Beloved thinks is unnecessary but what does he know?
  • Handing over the community part of my job to our lovely new Community Partnerships Producer
  • Thing 1’s brownies and Thing 2’s S’more Cookies
  • Getting a date for Thing 3’s foot surgery that’s not months and months away – don’t panic Mother, it’s an ingrown toenail
  • Not having to work this weekend and a lovely swim in a weedless lake with Sue and Rachel on Saturday morning
  • Discovering a quilting technique – Kawandi – I haven’t tried yet but which looks like fun.

Today I get to spend some time with GrandThing 1 while my Beloved helps Timeshare Teen 1 move house before GTs 3 and 4 arrive, and I’m looking forward to my time off! Thing 1 is 18 on Monday so I must also make a cake and wonder how that happened….

Kirsty x

What I’ve been reading:

Going Rogue – Janet Evanovich

The Secret Hours – Mick Herron

The New Iberia Blues – James Lee Burke

Down Under – Bill Bryson (Audible)

214: oooh, people

Every so often I stick my head up above the arts and heritage parapet and remind myself that there’s a world out there of people who probably really enjoy spreadsheets and who can do magical things with apps and technical things and who aren’t at all fazed when month-end and year-end come around. A fabulous friend of mine runs an event planning company and one of their big events is the Digital Accountancy Show, this year held over two days at Evolution Battersea. She brings me and two of our other friends in to support the event – if I tell you that over the three days I logged more than 80,000 steps that should tell you how busy it is.

I love it. My role is officially exhibitor support, plus anything else that looks like it might need doing – covering breaks for other staff, lugging giant water bottles around, answering questions about access, unloading courier deliveries and more. On the first morning of the show I arm myself and my little team with about a million HDMI cables, acquire a notebook and pen from one of the stands and troubleshoot everything in sight.

This year there were many tech queries so I spent a lot of time fetching the people in charge of the USBs. Some things I can fix myself – upside down logos on the stands are pretty simple, for example, by removing the panel and rotating it through the required number of degrees. Some things are harder – my stand isn’t where I thought it would be, something’s damaged or broken, there’s no TV/lights – so I listened to stressed digital types, soothing ruffled spreadsheets. I collect feedback to give to the Show team, check in with people throughout the show, herd people over to the marquee for the evening show, wrangle fire-eaters (yes, really) and generally fly about the place.

Taste test required – I think I’ll stick with the wafers

The show is pretty spectacular and the venue is more like a club than a trade show – laser shows, silent disco style earphones for the talks so all the stages can run simultaneously without the sound bleed, dry ice, light rigs. So much so that when we had a thunder and hail storm on day one a lot of people thought it was sound effects. The companies up their game every year too – when the event was held at the Tottenham Hotspurs ground it was quite straightforward, but now teams bring fancy coffee machines (some bring baristas to work them!), and one brought an ice cream machine. Scottish firms ply everyone with Tunnocks teacakes and caramel wafers, which are always winners. The show swag gets better every year too – a firm called Apron had the best tote bags this year, and put the team in funky work overalls. Some firms give away good coffee, others seed sticks or seed packets. This year there were interactive elements – darts, safecracking, those buzzy puzzles and an electronic thingy. SuperAcornomics dressed their poor lad up in a red squirrel costume and his handler trundled him about giving out mints. There was a red panda mascot, but I couldn’t convince the organisers that we ought to start the night show off with a mascot wrestling match, unfortunately. It would have been great. These shows keep me in notebooks and socks too, which is handy.

Days are long and although we were in a rather nice hotel in Battersea, we didn’t get to see much after Sunday when Miriam and I had a wander round Battersea Power Station and tested out the spa (very small and uncomfortably couply – we were doing widths in the pool to avoid the other end, where one of those ‘no petting’ posters from municipal pools would have been appropriate). A nice lady in the Curated Makers shop told me if I ever wanted to make jackets to sell to come to them first, which was lovely to hear.

At the end of Day 1 we made it back to the hotel and I was in bed by 9, having stayed in a hot bath till everything stopped hurting. By the end of Day 2 I was so ready for my own bed…

Having been working on closed projects since 2020, things like this remind me that I rather like interacting with people – I love my day job but I’m really looking forward to having some visitors again! Four-legged ones will do, like this tiny cub who kept having to be rescued from the venue while build and strike were underway.

Other things making me happy this week:

  • A visit to Westminster Abbey to meet the team there. I also met a cat.
  • First of the summer swims at Redricks – 12 degrees!
  • Sleeping in my own bed again. Hotels are all very well but lack cats.

This week will have a lot less walking, I hope! Watch this space…

Kirsty x

What I’ve been reading:

A Court of Thorns and Roses/House of Flame and Shadow – Sarah J. Maas

Notes from a Small Island – Bill Bryson (Audible)

188: the art of saying ‘no’

I am not entirely sure what happened to or in this week but I do know that on Friday morning I had to make a choice between attending all the things in my diary and making a show of myself by having a meltdown, or clearing the diary and spending the day at my desk making sense of my lengthy to-do list and looking at exciting spreadsheets. November looms, and with it National Illustration Day, which has mushroomed from a small(ish) schools thing to something that’s going to engage all sorts of people: a celebration of our community projects with various Islington groups with a friends and family event; school sessions; three days of drop-in illustration at Angel Central; an unrelated but well-timed community lights switch-on event the previous weekend at Islington Green – and business as usual happening all around it! I am wondering whether setting up a tent in the pop-up space at Angel Central for the week is a realistic suggestion…

I chose to clear the diary: while I do pride myself on being able to prioritise my workload (you should see my to-do chart) and manage multiple projects, sometimes you need to step back and remember that not everything has to be done all at once. Friday’s diary included an online meeting, an offsite meeting and a workshop in the afternoon. Both the meetings were for timebound projects but not urgent, and the workshop was a ‘nice to do’. Having walked from the station to the office giving myself unsuccessful pep-talks and arriving on the verge of a full-blown panic attack, clearing the diary seemed more sensible.

One topic that comes up over and over again in job interviews is time management: how do you cope with deadlines, with multiple projects; how do you prioritise. I have even set prioritisation tasks for co-ordinator and contact centre roles and asked candidates to explain their reasoning (sorry, people! Although not you, Mr Patronising PhD man applying for a role you’re vastly overqualified for. Not you.). A better question might be about strategies people use when they are overwhelmed, making space for employers to show an understanding of the impact of stress at work.

Last year there was a lot in media – social and later mainstream – about quiet quitting and this year it’s been ‘lazy girl jobs‘. I can’t say I agree with the idea that you should just work to your job description, especially in a small team where everyone needs to pitch in with things to make a project work. Over the last couple of years I have seen this in action: ‘well, my job description says Monday to Friday, my job description says I finish at 5’, and – increasingly – sticking rigidly to ‘minimum’ onsite hours. This creates resentment within the team, particularly with those colleagues who are the ones who recognise that a job goes beyond the description and who are inevitably the ones who pick up the slack and ensure that schools are greeted, that evening events are staffed, that all the things that can’t happen remotely still happen. Over the years I have manned front desks, sat in galleries, shifted furniture, delivered emergency school sessions, ‘meeted and greeted’ groups, told stories, hopped behind the bar, cleared tables, made coffee, lugged boxes, and many other things that aren’t explicitly in my job description but which needed to be done. It’s in my management skillset: don’t ask someone to do something you’re not prepared to do yourself. It comes under ‘and other reasonable duties as requested by your manager’.

Residents at Lady Dinah’s Cat Emporium: advocates of both radical rest and work-life balance

I do, however, believe strongly in the concept of work-life balance, and that sometimes you have to say no. I’ve been very lucky over the last ten years or so to have managers who have understood this (all women – coincidence?) and who have modelled excellent behaviour for me as I’ve moved up the ranks. There is also a movement towards Radical Rest in the arts and culture sector, spearheaded by a group of sector professionals including my predecessor in my current role. Giving ourselves permission to rest (or to say no) is quite tricky, it seems.

Other things making me happy this week

  • Thing 2 is 15 today, and currently opening her presents with glee
  • Hot glue guns and Christmas crochet
  • Not having to get on the Central Line for another 10 days
  • Toast

And tomorrow I am off to Wales for half term,

Underground Overground – Andrew Martin

White Butterfly – Walter Mosley

The E. Nesbit Megapack

Victory Disc/Flip Back – Andrew Cartmel (Audible)